STAR HardProbes PWG

["Mooney, Isaac" <isaac.mooney AT yale.edu>]

Hi Tristan,

I agree with your rephrasing, and I sign off.

Thanks,

Isaac

On Jul 16, 2023, at 11:31 AM, Tristan Protzman <tlp220 AT lehigh.edu> wrote:

Hi Isaac,

Thanks for the comments.  I'll upload a new draft with your and Barbara's comments implemented in a moment, and I've either directly implemented or responded to your comments below.

Cheers,

Tristan 

99. This sentence is a bit unclear. First, you say we transition from path-length-dependent quenching, but don't say what we transition to (in small systems). Also, "inform the transition" should probably be "inform our understanding of the transition". And it's not clear as currently constructed how it helps to separate quenching effects from non-quenching effects to go to medium-sized systems. 

Changed to "By measuring jet $v_2$ in a medium-sized system with 96 nucleons, the aim of this work is to inform our understanding the transition between the dominant processes in Au+Au and Pb+Pb systems and small $p+$A systems.", since at least as far as I'm aware we don't know what process it is in pA that results in the anisotropy.  

On Jul 15, 2023, at 12:46 PM, Mooney, Isaac <isaac.mooney AT yale.edu> wrote:

Hi Tristan,

Sorry for my delay. It’s looking good, I just have a few additional small comments, below.

Thanks,

Isaac

7. Throughout the abstract, "Measurements...will be shown/presented" -> "In these proceedings, we report..."

"Ongoing work to use event shape engineering...will also be shown" -> "...will also be discussed"

9. "partons traveling through"

11. "collimated"

12. "high-Q^2"

13. "phenomenon"

17. There's a bit of redundancy here with "By looking at the jet population more differentially" and "by quantifying the yield differentially". I suggest removing the former. 

21. Would be good to define the second-order event plane and give a verbal definition of v2 ("second-order Fourier coefficient") as done in the abstract (since people often skip/skim that).

30. "are" -> "is"

33. High-tower is jargon. How about: "events in which at least x GeV is deposited in one tower of the BEMC are analyzed."

63. "hard-core"

66. Remove "geometrically"

72. "between the jet and the event plane"

73. "fitting the data with equation 1"

78. "randomly removing 4% of tracks in addition to those lost due to detector inefficiency"

98. Math the v2; add a reference.

99. This sentence is a bit unclear. First, you say we transition from path-length-dependent quenching, but don't say what we transition to (in small systems). Also, "inform the transition" should probably be "inform our understanding of the transition". And it's not clear as currently constructed how it helps to separate quenching effects from non-quenching effects to go to medium-sized systems. 

On Jul 14, 2023, at 8:14 PM, Tristan Protzman via Star-hp-l <star-hp-l AT lists.bnl.gov> wrote:

Hi Nihar,

Thank you for the comments.  Please see my responses below, a new draft has been uploaded.

Cheers,
Tristan 

Abstract:
You may consider to shorten your abstract if possible.

This was the abstract which was used for the conference, I wasn't sure if you are able to change that.  

L9: "…the transport of momentum through " -> Not clear, rephrase

Changed to "...the kinematics of partons through..."

L10: "it is useful to identify a controllable … -> it doesn't sound good. Please rephrase

controllable -> well understood

L14: "processes as it traverses the QGP, …"->  …traversing through the QGP, …;

Changed.

insight into… -> insight of the QGP dynamics.

Changed. 

L16:  The jet energy loss can be described … -> The jet energy loss are measured …

How about "The jet energy loss and subsequent yield suppression are measured..."?

L18-20: What is reason to make it "bold statement"? Make it un-bold.

This was a leftover from an editing pass, fixed.

L19: "These difference …" -> what difference? And this sentence is not clear. Elaborate it.

Changed to "...path-length differences..."

L21: "In a semi-central heavy-ion collision, in general an approximately elliptical QGP will be produced." -> "The QGP is produced in an elliptical geometry due to overlapping shape in a semi-central heavy-ion collision."

Changed to "In a semi-central heavy-ion collisions, the produced QGP is approximately elliptical in geometry  

L57: excluding the two hardest. ->  excluding the two hardest jets.

Changed.

L65: 𝑝T > 2 GeV  -> 𝑝T > 2 GeV/{\it c} [ all places]

Changed

Eq.4, Please mention in the text what is eta_jet, eta_hard core and the same for phi.

Added..

L82: for tracks with 5 < 𝑝reco < 22.5 GeV/c  -> is that pT^reco for track ?
jets with 10 < 𝑝reco -> jets with 10 < 𝑝_{\rm T, jet}^{\rm reco } 

You're right, we don't need the record label for tracks

L87: 10 < 𝑝T < 22.5  -> 10 < 𝑝_T,jet^reco < 22.5

Changed

L98: "Further complicating …quenching signatures." -> Very complicated sentence, Please rephrase this.

Changed to Further complicating the interpretation of a positive jet v2 solely as path-length dependent quenching is the presence of jet v2 in small p+A systems which lack other quenching signatures.  

L103: "Ongoing work to further this goal …" -> "The future goal of this work …"

Adjusted to "Ongoing work to this goal..." on Yi's suggestion to avoid reusing the word further multiple times close together

L104: path length, as well as -> path length as well as

Changed.

ESE -> The ESE

Changed to "Using ESE, events within a given centrality class are further divided into eccentricity classes, controlling..."

On Jul 13, 2023, at 11:37 PM, Nihar Sahoo via Star-hp-l <star-hp-l AT lists.bnl.gov> wrote:

Hello Tristan,

Sorry for being late to read your proceedings.
Please find my comments on your nice proceedings.

Abstract:
You may consider to shorten your abstract if possible.

L9: "…the transport of momentum through " -> Not clear, rephrase
L10: "it is useful to identify a controllable … -> it doesn't sound good. Please rephrase
L14: "processes as it traverses the QGP, …"->  …traversing through the QGP, …;
insight into… -> insight of the QGP dynamics.

L16:  The jet energy loss can be described … -> The jet energy loss are measured …

L18-20: What is reason to make it "bold statement"? Make it un-bold.
L19: "These difference …" -> what difference? And this sentence is not clear. Elaborate it.

L21: "In a semi-central heavy-ion collision, in general an approximately elliptical QGP will be produced." -> "The QGP is produced in an elliptical geometry due to overlapping shape in a semi-central heavy-ion collision."

L57: excluding the two hardest. ->  excluding the two hardest jets.

L65: 𝑝T > 2 GeV  -> 𝑝T > 2 GeV/{\it c} [ all places]

Eq.4, Please mention in the text what is eta_jet, eta_hard core and the same for phi.

L82: for tracks with 5 < 𝑝reco < 22.5 GeV/c  -> is that pT^reco for track ?
jets with 10 < 𝑝reco -> jets with 10 < 𝑝_{\rm T, jet}^{\rm reco } …

L87: 10 < 𝑝T < 22.5  -> 10 < 𝑝_T,jet^reco < 22.5

L98: "Further complicating …quenching signatures." -> Very complicated sentence, Please rephrase this.
L103: "Ongoing work to further this goal …" -> "The future goal of this work …"
L104: path length, as well as -> path length as well as
ESE -> The ESE


Cheers
Nihar


On 2023-07-03 20:29, webmaster--- via Star-hp-l wrote:

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